Hi, again.

Hi, friends. I'm really sorry it has been such a long time since I've posted anything. A lot has gone on in the past couple of weeks! I got home from the hospital, as you know, almost two weeks ago. Two days later, I got a fever and was readmitted to the hospital. There's a very long story to go along with that, but long story short, the doctors couldn't find anything wrong with me and I went home a few days later. The reason I haven't posted anything, though, is that the whole incident - getting a fever, being readmitted, waiting around for a diagnosis and hearing many different stories and answers - was very frustrating. I felt like having to go back into the hospital was a setback, yet another problem, a delay in my recovery. I was so angry and upset that I didn't feel like writing anything on here or talking to anyone. I just wanted to get through it and get on with my recovery.

After talking to my mom and the doctors and nurses, I realize now that little bumps in the road like what I experienced last week are just that - bumps on the road to recovery, and they're to be expected. I'll get over them, and they do not change the direction of my progress. Bumps or no bumps, I'm still going forward toward a cure and a long, healthy life.

I realized also that I had unrealistic expectations of myself and my body. I thought I'd just sail smoothly through the recovery process, without a hitch. I'm happier and less anxious now that I understand and expect that there will be little bumps. And if caught early (they will be - I go for check-ups twice a week), they'll remain little bumps, and we'll take care of them, and move on, move forward.

This week has gone well, and I'm hoping for another good week next week. I think I'm beginning to learn the art of taking life day by day. I'm working on it, anyway. Maybe I should say, I'm hoping for a good day today.

I'll try to be better about keeping you posted on here! Thank you all so much for your continued concern, support, and friendship. Happy Valentine's Day. :-)

News flash!

It's official, folks. I'm home! I am currently sitting in my own cozy house, in my own comfy bed, ready to settle down for a full night's sleep without any interruptions. Hooray!

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything for a few days - I was feeling lazy. Everything has been going well, though. My neutrophil count is now over 3000, and my other blood cells are coming in nicely, too. Know what that means? My new stem cells are taking hold! They're making platelets and red blood cells all on their own. I'm still going to need some help in the form of some transfusions for the next several weeks, but hey, it's a start!

Speaking of starts, here's another one! My hair is starting to come back! I was so surprised when I looked in the mirror yesterday to find little brown hairs sprouting out of my head. The last time I had a transplant, it took almost 3 months for my hair to even start to come in! Right now it's just fuzz, but like I said earlier, it's a start.

I'm sensing a theme here. I'm experiencing lots of new beginnings, all at once. It's exciting, but overwhelming ... happy, but scary, too. But oh, it is nice to be home.

I'm going back to the clinic tomorrow and Thursday for check-ups and blood work, but then I have the whole weekend off. I'm actually kind of excited about the Superbowl, even though I don't care about either of the teams. Anyone doing anything fun on game day?

Love to all.

Go, Go Gadget...GCSF!

Hello again. Exciting news! Since I last posted, my white blood cell count tripled, and then tripled again! So I now have an ANC of 540, which means I'm no longer neutropenic (barely)! Have I explained neutropenia before? It's when your white blood cell count (specifically your neutrophil count) is below 500, leaving you extremely vulnerable to infection. Now that my ANC (absolute neutrophil count) is over 500 (as I said, barely), I'm less vulnerable to infection. For a comprehensive - and hilarious - explanation of the whole ANC thing, see Saif's comment on the previous blog posting.

So, Dieter (see Saif's comment) is growing up quite nicely so far. With the help of some more GCSF, he should be churning out a few thousand more neutrophils within the next week or so. The doctors here will be happy when my ANC is above 5000. One doctor explained to me today that they like to see my counts above 1000 for at least 3 days, and then above 5000. Once I reach that point, I can stop giving myself the daily GCSF shots, which will be nice.

My friend David (who lives in Cambridge, MA) visited me in the hospital today with his mom, who is my mom's best friend. After visiting, they went over to my house to assemble an Ikea dresser I had bought, but not gotten around to assembling. Can you imagine a nicer thing to do for someone?? I mean, Ikea's assembly instructions are often enough to make one not just pull one's hair out, but possibly scream a string of swear words that can only be found in the Urban Dictionary. Apparently, it's going well. Anyway, thank you so much, David and Betsy, for your help.

I have friends coming tonight, too, and maybe we'll play some taboo and go on a walk or something. It'll be fun. :-)

Hope you're all well!

A post without a story

Hi, friends! I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a few days. I had this silly idea that to write something, and to let you all know how I'm doing, something interesting had to have happened. But maybe it's interesting that nothing interesting has happened in the last few days. After all, the doctors do say that usually in the oncology clinic, interesting isn't good. Maybe each post doesn't have to tell some exciting story. What do you think?

Let's give it a shot. So, as all of the above implies, nothing particularly interesting has happened! I have had some wonderful visitors, and that is always really fun for me, but maybe not as interesting for you. I don't know - you tell me. I do feel like I'm getting stronger every day. I did my usual walk this evening with my friend Kristina, but with two additional laps! I even walked at a pretty good clip...not speed-walking or anything, but faster and with more stability than before. We also watched the State of the Union address, which I thought was wonderful. I really loved what Obama had to say about just putting the pettiness and partisanship aside and getting the job done.

In other news, there was a blip on the radar today in terms of the lookout for my impending immune system. I think I have about 40 neutrophils per some measurement of cells. I'm not really sure how they calculate it, but they always refer to this "absolute neutrophil count," or ANC, to determine the strength of my immune system. Just to give you an idea, I think a normal ANC is around 5000. Saif, any bits of wisdom you can add here? In any case, I'm still giving myself 2 shots per day of a medicine called GCSF to boost my white blood cell count. Hopefully it'll start kicking in soon, and I'll suddenly have some semblance of an immune system!

I'm still on track to go home mid-next week. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Another day of friends and eating!

Today has been a great day.

First of all, I am most happy to report that, for a second day in a row, I have not puked and I ate real(ish) food! Applesauce...check! Canned pears...check! Bring on the bacon cheeseburger! Or, maybe I'll wait a while for that one, but you get the idea. Maybe I'll try macaroni and cheese next, light on the cheese.

In other news, I had lots of visitors today! Aside from my wonderful mom, who sits here with me tirelessly every day, three other groups of people came. First my friends Tracy and Wendi from Team in Training at the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society came. Just a few minutes later, my friend Rebecca arrived. She is one of the mentors from the triathlon team for which I am an honored patient, and she brought with her a huge bag of goodies from the team! What wonderful people they are. And Team in Training (TNT) is such a great way to get in shape and do something good for yourself with a whole lot of support behind you, while also doing something good for people like me. Check it out.

Anyway, then, my friend Kelly came and she, Rebecca, and I went on my daily walk. My walk consists of taking a lap around each oval-shaped level of the building, from 7 down to 3, finally ending up back at my room. Like I said before, it gets my lungs pumping, my legs moving, and I like to think it puts some color back in my face.

Finally, in the evening, my good friends Florencia and Brian came, and they brought Taboo! So the three of us sat and played for a few hours, even though the game requires 4 players. Florencia was our double-teamer, and it worked out just fine! In fact, it was a lot of fun. I always love seeing them.

All in all, it's been a great day of friends and real food. I'm looking forward to more days like this very soon.

A pretty good day

I actually don't have that much to talk about today. But I think that's a good thing. Excitement in a hospital is generally not a good thing, unless of course, it's about babies or other generally happy things. But for the transplant unit, today was a fairly good, not overly exciting day.

It certainly had some fun parts, but not many un-fun parts. For example, I did not throw up today. At all. Not once. AND I even ate real food, if you can count apple sauce and canned pears as real food. Right now, I'm considering them food, because they're about the only "solid" thing I can stomach. I also went on a nice, long walk. I got the lungs workin and the legs movin, and it felt pretty good!

Also, I had some lovely visitors! My friend Sarah came and chatted for a couple hours. I've decided I'm going with her to Honduras in July. Then, later, family friends Betsy and Arthur stopped by for a bit. It's always nice to see them.

Now, I'm waching reruns of House (one of my favorite shows) and settling in for a good night's sleep!

Love to all.

My cup runneth over

Wow, guys. I don't know what to say. In the midst of transplant crap, vomiting, headaches, lack of sleep, you all have brought me to a level of happiness, love, and humility that I have never felt before. You have shown such an outpouring of love, caring and concern, and humor in the face of not-so humorous things. I am confident in confirming, once again, that I have THE BEST friends and family anyone could ever ask for. Thank you.

If you're curious about what brought on such a feeling in me, I'll tell you a few stories. Over the past few days, some friends have come to visit and have been happy to just sit and keep me company - no entertainment required. I did provide minor entertainment in the form of Uno, but it was obvious that they did not come over simply to play Uno. One friend, who feels like family, brought me a beautiful, cheery poster to brighten the walls of my otherwise drab room. And she brought dinner for my mom (her favorite sandwich noless), which I thought was just delightfully generous and selfless. My aunt did a cute thing too - she knows I can't have live flowers in my room, so she sent beautiful virtual ones, along with her love.

Then, today, an envelope arrived addressed to a good friend of mine c/o me at my address. I was confused at first, needless to say. Then, I opened it, and tears welled up in my eyes. He had sent me two silver bracelets from the Maureen's Hope Foundation - one that says, "Moving Forward Looking Up," and another that says, "Expect Miracles." The story that accompanied them explained that while the Foundation's honoree fought cancer "her bracelet became a symbol of normalcy and represented the fun spirited person she was." My bracelets will not only remind me of the strong, fun-loving person I am, but also of the wonderful friends I have rooting for me. Thank you.

Then, if you can believe it, there was more. My friend Kristina showed up to visit today at the most inopportune time and stayed. I had just gotten a tickle in my throat that caused a coughing fit, which in turn caused some mild tachycardia, and simply caused me to get pretty freaked out. When she walked in I was still coughing and trying to catch my breath. Just the fact that she stayed makes my heart feel full. But she didn't just stay. She knows that I love flowers, and knows from recent experience that I can't have real flowers in my room, so she brought me pictures of beautiful flowers (pictures that are actually cards), with the most loving and supportive things written inside. And then, she stayed more and we played Uno.

And I'm even expecting more loving things in the near future. My friend Sarah is coming tomorrow, Florencia and Brian are coming one night this weekend, and get this - my friend David is flying down from Boston to visit me and help my parents finish getting my room ready for my return home. And on top of all that, my friend Nate is also flying down from Boston sometime soon to pay me a visit.

I have a wall of love now, in my no-longer-drab room. It has things all over it that remind me of the things and people I love. And I sure do have a lot of people to love.